pjbooks Chapter 2 A Young Man's Thoughts and His Aspirations for Distant Places
Chapter 2 A Young Man's Thoughts and His Aspirations for Distant Places
The elevator doors slowly closed, shutting out the lonely figure high above the clouds.
The cold gleam of the metal reflected his last resolute features, but the icy mirror could not reveal the vicissitudes and obsessions hidden in his eyes.
The camera lens pierced through the thick clouds, like a shooting star falling rapidly.
I walked through the shimmering neon lights and plunged into the drizzling autumn rain of the early 1990s.
It was late autumn of 1990, and the wind in the mountains and fields was already carrying a biting frost.
The main room of the Tang family's old house was dimly lit and oppressive.
The mottled earthen wall was peeling off in patches, and sparse raindrops leaked through the gaps in the roof tiles, spreading a small damp patch on the dusty ground.
My older sister, Tang Xiuying, is leaving to work in a remote southern special economic zone.
She was wearing a faded floral shirt with frayed collar and trouser cuffs covered in mud from the fields.
Clutching the hem of her clothes tightly with her fingertips, she walked up to her father, Tang Zhiye.
She bowed deeply, with utmost respect and resolute determination.
The voice trembled almost imperceptibly, as faint as a mosquito's buzz, yet it struck the quiet main room with a heavy thud.
"Father, I'm leaving."
Tang Zhiye squatted on the wooden threshold, clutching the pipe he had used for over a decade.
The copper pipe was blackened by smoke, and the pipe stem was worn smooth and shiny by the years.
He was leisurely puffing out wisps of white smoke, but the moment he heard those words, his hand holding the pipe abruptly stopped.
The smoke lingered in his throat, and he coughed heavily twice, but still turned his head away, his eyes fixed on the clucking old hen in the yard.
His eyes were vacant; he dared not look at his daughter.
His fingers clenched uncontrollably, his knuckles turning white and his knuckles protruding, almost crushing the hard cigarette holder.
There were no words, no attempts to persuade him to stay; that was his only response, and also the deepest, most unspoken concern of a father.
Tang Muyang stood to the side, his thin body leaning against the cold earthen wall, silently watching everything before him.
He watched as his sister carried the huge, bulging snakeskin bag on her back.
The bag was stuffed full of clothes and simple daily necessities, and the corners were stretched out of shape.
The weight caused my sister's already slender shoulders to sag slightly.
That bag contained more than just a few changes of clothes and a thin quilt; it carried the heavy hopes of the whole family and their only chance to change their impoverished lives.
My sister's figure gradually disappeared into the autumn rain.
That muddy country road eventually left only a string of shallow footprints, which were quickly washed away by the rain.
Tang Muyang stood there, a bittersweet feeling welling up in his young heart for the first time.
For the first time, he realized that "home" could be carried away.
It can gradually become empty and desolate as loved ones pass away.
The days passed slowly in poverty and waiting, and two years had passed in the blink of an eye.
In the spring of 1992, my older brother, Tang Pingsheng, was also leaving, his destination being an electronics factory in the Southern Special Economic Zone.
On the eve of my departure, the night was dark and the moonlight was obscured by dark clouds.
Tang Muyang's childhood friend, Tang Jianguo, took advantage of the darkness and quietly climbed over the wall into the courtyard.
The two boys sat side by side on the cold threshold, their backs pressed together, feeling the only warmth they could find.
Tang Jianguo was fiddling with a cheap electronic watch he had brought back from the Southern Special Economic Zone. The green light on the dial flickered in the dark night.
"Muyang, I heard that the wages on the assembly line over there are equivalent to a year's worth of farming here."
"Once I've saved enough money, my brother and I will go out and make our own way in the world. We're not going to live a life of mediocrity."
Tang Pingsheng came out of the inner room and handed Tang Muyang a wad of crumpled, sweaty change.
That was money he had saved up penny by penny.
He patted his younger brother's thin shoulder hard, his palm as rough as sandpaper.
"Yang Yazi, I'm going to scout ahead. We can't live like this forever in these mountains."
Tang Muyang clutched the money tightly, his fingertips turning white.
He watched as his brother climbed onto the chugging, black-smoke-belching hand-operated tractor, which dissipated the last bit of warmth from the house.
With the passing of his elder sister and brother, the main hall of the Tang family home became completely empty.
The young and middle-aged people in the village have flown south like migratory birds, leaving only the elderly and children to guard the barren terraced fields.
Tang Muyang and his father, Tang Zhiye, remained silent, with only the soft sound of chopsticks touching bowls during dinner.
Tang Zhiye is getting old, and he can't straighten up every time he comes back from working in the fields.
Tang Muyang watched his father repair farm tools under the dim kerosene lamp, his rough hands trembling in the weak light.
The grand narratives about "building the nation through industry" were now embodied in the father's hunched back and the nearly empty rice jar.
The weeds in his heart began to grow wildly.
After entering the second year of junior high school in the town, Tang Muyang's heart could no longer be contained.
During the break, he no longer discussed the exercises with his deskmate, Peng Jiahui.
Peng Jiahui nudged his arm and said helplessly, "Muyang, there's a test next class. At least glance at your book. My dad says studying is the safest path, but I also know that these mountains can't keep those who want to leave."
Tang Muyang didn't say anything, but pulled Tang Jianguo and surrounded the migrant workers who had dropped out of school and returned to work.
Listen to them boasting with great enthusiasm about the skyscrapers in the Southern Special Economic Zone and the canteens where meat is served every meal.
Tang Muyang looked down at his patched trouser leg, a strong sense of shame and longing intertwined, burning like fire in his internal organs.
My deskmate, Peng Yiyang, is the homeroom teacher's daughter. She always wears a clean white shirt.
The test paper always showed a bright red 98.
When the math test papers were handed out that day, Tang Muyang looked at his failing score and then at Peng Yiyang's beautifully written paper, feeling a mix of emotions.
Peng Yiyang turned her head, intending to explain the problem to him in a kind manner, and pointed her finger at his draft paper.
"This question isn't actually that difficult..."
Tang Muyang slammed the book shut and bluntly refused, "It's none of your business."
At that moment, the boy's self-esteem seemed incredibly fragile in the face of cold reality.
He realized that the narrow path of studying was too crowded and too slow, and he wanted a faster way to change his patched-up fate.
Over the weekend, Tang Muyang dragged Tang Jianguo to skip school and go to the video arcade in town.
The dimly lit room was filled with smoke.
On the screen, Mark Gor from "A Better Tomorrow" is lighting a cigarette with a US dollar bill.
That dashing air captivated the two boys.
Tang Jianguo stared, his eyes wide, and said in a low voice to Tang Muyang, "Muyang, let's go out too, and make a name for ourselves like Brother Ma!"
Tang Muyang didn't speak, but his mind was filled with the bizarre neon lights of the Southern Special Economic Zone.
Emerging from the video arcade, facing the dusty streets and muddy dirt roads, Tang Muyang felt as if the mountains were a giant cage, trapping his soul.
The outbreak occurred on a rainy evening.
Tang Zhiye found Tang Muyang, who was skipping school, at the town's arcade.
Tang Zhiye was furious when he saw his son, whose hands were covered in grease and whose eyes were shining as he stared at the slot machine.
He rushed in, grabbed Tang Muyang by the collar, and slapped him across the face.
"I've been working myself to the bone at home, just so you can come to this godforsaken place and waste your life?"
This slap shattered Tang Muyang's last bit of patience.
He covered his burning face and roared, "What's the point of staying in this wretched mountain? I'm going out to earn money! I'm not going to study anymore!"
That night, Tang Muyang did not go home; he hid in a haystack at the entrance of the village.
Listening to the sound of rain, I made a crazy decision.
The next morning, before his father woke up, he sneaked into the house like a thief.
In that old, worn-out earthenware jar, his hand reached for two coins.
That was his pocket money saved up for half a year, a total of two yuan.
His fingers trembled violently when they touched the cold metal.
That was all his "savings," and also the "bargaining chip" he used to betray his family.
He then grabbed a cold, hard steamed bun, stuffed it into his pocket, and turned to rush into the morning mist.
The town's train station was bustling with noise, like a pot of boiling porridge.
Based on his intuition, Tang Muyang squeezed onto a green train heading south.
He didn't have a ticket; he sneaked on while the ticket inspector was dozing off, blending in with the crowd of people carrying snakeskin bags.
The carriage was incredibly crowded, and the stench of sweat, feet, and instant noodles mingled together, making it suffocating.
He was squeezed into a corner by the toilet entrance, with nowhere to even sit.
That was the first time he had witnessed the hardship of "living".
To save water, the toilet was filled with filth, flies swarmed around, and the stench was unbearable.
Because he was traveling in the wrong direction, he endured three days and three nights of tossing and turning, and Tang Muyang didn't know how he survived it.
He was so hungry he was dizzy and could only gnaw on the already hardened steamed bun.
When thirsty, I would go to the toilet to get some tap water, which had a strong rusty smell and was ice-cold.
He saw a woman holding a baby who had to squat under someone else's seat because there were no seats available.
The baby's cries sounded particularly helpless amidst the noise, and the mother didn't even have enough milk to soothe the child.
People around him looked at this half-grown boy with wary or even disdainful eyes, as if he were a vagrant who might steal at any moment.
Finally, the announcer's pleasant voice came from the carriage: "Passengers! The train has arrived at the Special Economic Zone. Please take your belongings and prepare to disembark."
The train stopped at a huge, noisy station.
Tang Muyang surged out with the crowd and was instantly engulfed by the sea of people in front of him.
But little did he know that the real nightmare was just beginning.
The moment he stepped out of the station, he was completely stunned by the sight before him.
On one side, a well-dressed man in a suit and tie gets into a car; on the other side, a disheveled migrant worker, looking lost, stands by the roadside.
A black sedan sped past, splashing mud that nearly hit Tang Muyang's patched old jacket.
He instinctively shrank back.
Looking at his own dirty face reflected in the glass window, he suddenly realized: in this city, he wasn't even a speck of dust.
Based on his vague memory, he inquired along the way and finally saw a familiar figure in front of a Hengxin Gem Factory.
Tang Pingsheng, the older brother, was wearing an ill-fitting blue work uniform and was carrying a heavy box of parts, walking unsteadily through the factory area.
My brother has lost weight and gotten darker; he's lost all the spiritedness he had at home.
"elder brother!"
Tang Muyang called out, his voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible.
Tang Pingsheng turned around abruptly and saw his younger brother, who was covered in dust and dirt.
The box in his hand fell to the ground with a clatter, scattering parts all over the floor.
The foreman rushed over immediately, his face ashen, his eyes fierce, and his mouth full of stern rebukes and urging.
The entire production line was under surveillance, and no one dared to slack off. If anyone was even a little slow, they would be severely scolded.
Tang Pingsheng instinctively shielded his younger brother behind him, bowing his head and apologizing repeatedly, his posture humble and helpless.
At that moment, Tang Muyang's romantic fantasy about the special economic zone shattered into pieces.
That evening, Tang Pingsheng treated Tang Muyang to a hearty meal, including two servings of braised pork trotters with rice.
Tang Muyang wolfed down his food, swallowing tears along with it.
He looked up, his voice choked with emotion, and said to his brother, "I want to stay and work."
Tang Pingsheng remained silent for a long time, then picked up a piece of meat and put it in his younger brother's bowl, letting out a deep sigh.
"No. You're too young; you need to go back to school."
"What's the use of studying? I want to make money!" Tang Muyang retorted defiantly, his neck stiff with arrogance. "I'm not afraid of hardship!"
Tang Pingsheng gave a wry smile, rolled up his sleeves, revealing the shallow burn marks on his arm from the machine.
She then laid out her hands, covered in cracks and calluses, in front of her younger brother.
"Yang Yazi, this isn't about enduring hardship, it's about wasting time."
"Here, people earn their living through physical labor. Without education, they'll spend their entire lives standing on the assembly line."
"You are different. You should go out and walk a path where you can hold your head high."
Tang Muyang stayed in the factory area for half a month. He was not qualified to enter the workshop and was assigned to help move goods in the warehouse.
It was hot and noisy, and the air was filled with the smell of processed materials.
In those days, anyone with even a little status or position would look at others with a somewhat skewed eye.
Tang Muyang's hard labor in the warehouse became the most profound "coming-of-age ceremony" of his life.
However, the special economic zones in the 90s were an even bigger melting pot.
It throws countless young people's dreams into it and forges them; some are forged into steel, while others turn to ash.
Tang Muyang and Xiao Xiaoyan became two specks of dust that met by chance in the furnace of Hengxin.
It was during this most difficult period that he and this girl from his hometown gradually came into contact.
She wasn't the kind of girl who would be stunning at first glance, but in this factory area filled with the smell of sweat, machine oil, and the roar of machinery, she was as clean as a breath of fresh air.
Their stories aren't earth-shattering, but they're so real and heartbreaking during those late nights of working overtime.
It was Mid-Autumn Festival in 1993. The moon over the special economic zone seemed bigger than the one over my hometown, but it couldn't penetrate the dampness of the city's corners.
The days are monotonous and repetitive, with more than ten hours of high-intensity labor every day, which wears down one's dignity.
Managers glare at you with wide eyes, pushing for higher output. Nobody cares if you're tired; they only care if you're fast enough.
That cold, oppressive feeling often made Tang Muyang feel like he couldn't breathe.
But whenever he had a rare moment of rest, just seeing Xiao Xiaoyan would calm his heart; it was a unique feeling of mutual dependence in a foreign land.
During their breaks, the male workers would play cards, brag, and tell dirty jokes.
In the girls' dormitory, they either knitted sweaters or went to the phone booth to call their relatives who were thousands of miles away.
She was the only one who always huddled under the dim light of the dormitory corridor, holding a book with curled edges in her hands.
When she got paid, Tang Muyang would secretly slip her a bag of White Rabbit milk candy, saying, "Reading takes a lot of brainpower, so you need to replenish it."
Xiao Xiaoyan was so moved that she couldn't speak. She simply handed him a bottle of water, her eyes as clear as the well water from the back mountain of her hometown.
One was handsome and wild, with a desire for wealth hidden in his eyes; the other was delicate and quiet, with a sense of confusion about the future in his eyes.
Two young hearts drew closer without them even realizing it in this unfamiliar city.
However, in this fast-paced special economic zone, love is always just a seasoning, while being busy is the rule of survival.
Every day after get off work, Tang Muyang and his brother Tang Pingsheng returned to their dormitory, which was a basement of less than 20 square meters.
The small space was dark and damp, with mold growing all over the walls.
The room was packed with 12 double-decker iron beds, housing more than 20 people.
The air was filled with the smells of feet, sweat, and mildew.
Tang Muyang saw that his brother's bed was made of a few old wooden planks pieced together, with a blackened straw mat on top.
In the middle of the night, he was awakened by a muffled sobbing sound.
By the pale moonlight streaming through the window, he saw Tang Pingsheng huddled under the covers, his shoulders trembling violently.
It turned out that what the older brother was holding was an urgent telegram sent by their father through someone after Tang Muyang ran away from home half a month ago.
The telegram contained only six simple words: "Your brother is missing. Awaiting your reply."
Because he was busy, Tang Pingsheng hadn't had time to make that phone call that could only be made to the village chief and transferred through a summons.
Tang Pingsheng thought that his own hardships were nothing compared to his younger brother's situation, who was also on the verge of darkness, unable to see the sun rise tomorrow.
He dared not cry out loud, but his silent tears soaked the entire pillowcase.
At that moment, Tang Muyang felt as if a blunt knife had been plunged into his heart.
Looking at his older brother, who was enduring hardship and carrying a heavy burden alone, he finally understood the weight of the word "survival".
In those two weeks, the restlessness in his eyes completely disappeared.
Instead, he possessed a composure and clarity far beyond his years.
He gradually realized that without knowledge and skills, he could only be manipulated by others and suffer endless grievances.
Without confidence and ability, one cannot even be qualified to protect their family; love and affection are meaningless without them.
Putting aside their burdens and focusing on hard work, Tang Muyang and his brother have been working at Hengxin Gem Factory for nearly half a year.
After deducting the living expenses they sent to their father, Tang Zhiye, the two brothers managed to save nearly 3000 yuan through frugal living.
In an era when people with ten thousand yuan were rare, it was a bittersweet experience.
With the Spring Festival approaching, the special economic zone is seeing a surge in people returning home.
Although Tang Muyang and Xiao Xiaoyan work in the same factory, they are usually too busy to go out.
That night, it rained, and it was so cold that people shivered. The two rarely saw each other and had planned to go back to their hometown together.
"Xiaoyan, let's go queue up to buy train tickets together tomorrow," Tang Muyang said softly.
Looking at Xiao Xiaoyan, he often thought that if it weren't for making a living, these hands should be holding a pen, not polishing that cold gemstone.
Xiao Xiaoyan and Tang Muyang walked side by side, remaining silent for a long time, their heads bowed.
After thinking for a long time, she raised her hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear and whispered, "Muyang, I... I'm not going home for the New Year."
After saying that, he lowered his head again.
"I'll be spending the Lunar New Year here with my cousin, until September 1st next year..." She didn't dare look Tang Muyang in the eye, but her eyes revealed reluctance and helplessness.
Tang Muyang nodded, understanding what she hadn't finished saying.
He thought that at first, he believed that as long as the two of them were together, no matter how much Xiao Xiaoyan suffered outside, it wouldn't matter.
When I become strong in the future, I will be able to protect her from all the suffering in this world.
Little did they know that life's cruelest weapon is not poverty, but a restless heart, which ultimately cannot withstand the different directions one takes in life.
"That's good. I'll save up more tuition fees for myself and come back here after the New Year."
The rain was getting heavier and heavier. After Tang Muyang finished speaking, he led her into the factory's rain shelter.
The rain pounded on the roof, as if trying to extinguish all the restlessness in the world.
The two stood side by side, a fist's distance between them, yet it felt as if an insurmountable chasm separated them.
"Muyang..." Xiao Xiaoyan's voice was still very soft, broken by the sound of rain.
She lowered her head, her fingers unconsciously rubbing the hem of her clothes: "Will you... stay in the Special Economic Zone long-term?"
Tang Muyang was stunned for a moment, then turned to look at her.
The spray from the rain dampened her bangs.
Her eyes, which were usually filled with a smile, were now brimming with unease.
He laughed, a laugh that was somewhat nonchalant, yet tinged with the arrogance unique to youth.
He lit a cigarette, the flame flickering in the cold wind, illuminating his angular profile.
"Stay? I not only want to stay, but I want to put down roots here." Tang Muyang exhaled a smoke ring, watching it dissipate in the rain and mist.
"Xiaoyan, you know how it is. I never want to step back into that muddy quagmire in the countryside again." His gaze was deep, revealing a determination beyond his years.
"Even if the special economic zone is full of tricks, I'll accept it. I'm going to fight, I'm going to forge ahead, I'm going to change my fate immediately!"
His voice was loud, as if he were making a vow to her, or as if he were bolstering his own courage.
Xiao Xiaoyan fell silent. After a long while, she raised her head, her eyes filled with a firmness and sorrow that Tang Muyang could not understand.
"But...we..." She hesitated, her lips moved, but in the end, it only turned into a sigh.
"I still want to study. I want to get a diploma so I can earn money with my brains in the future, instead of like this..." Before she could finish, Tang Muyang understood again.
In that instant, the sound of rain outside the pavilion seemed to suddenly stop.
Looking at the quiet girl in front of him, a part of his heart suddenly collapsed.
He understood that the light in her eyes came from books and knowledge, something he couldn't provide.
He tried to take her hand, but his hand fell limply to the ground halfway up.
"Xiaoyan," Tang Muyang's voice was hoarse, as if he had swallowed a handful of sand.
"If we take different paths, forcing ourselves to walk together will only cause pain."
Xiao Xiaoyan's eyes reddened, tears welled up, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall.
She gazed at the blurry neon lights in the distance and said softly, "I know. It's just... a little hard to let go."
"What are you reluctant to let go of? Is it this relationship that ended before it even began? Or is it the boy you once thought you could dream with?"
After Tang Muyang finished speaking, he stubbed out his cigarette.
The spark made a soft "hiss" sound in the water and then went out instantly.
Like the tiny spark that had just ignited between them.
He knew that some relationships were destined to begin with a bang and end quietly.
There were no arguments, no betrayals, and even a formal "breakup" seemed superfluous.
From that moment on, though separated by mountains and rivers, they will go their separate ways on their respective life paths.
Perhaps many years later, when they occasionally recall this, they will both shed tears, but those tears will no longer be for each other.
Rather, it was to commemorate that irretrievable, innocent, and heartbreakingly youthful period.
Before leaving, Tang Muyang did not say goodbye to Xiao Xiaoyan.
Tang Pingsheng forced 2500 yuan on Tang Muyang, keeping only a few hundred yuan for himself, and lived a lonely year.
He insisted on putting him on the train back home: "Go back and spend time with your father. It would be best if you could focus on your studies next year."
Tang Pingsheng stood on the cold, windswept platform, waving vigorously as he watched them go.
The slender figure gradually shrank and eventually disappeared into the crowded throng.
The train slowly started moving, heading north on its return journey.
Tang Muyang clutched the 2500 yuan tightly, gazing out the window at the deep night.
His eyes welled up with tears, but this single tear was not for romantic love, but for familial love.
The thin banknotes weighed as much as a thousand pounds, stained with the blood and sweat of my brother's day and night labor.
It was also the first time he truly understood how difficult it was to make a living and how much responsibility he had to shoulder.
When I got home, it was Lunar New Year's Eve.
Tang Zhiye sat alone in the dimly lit main room, staring blankly at a flickering kerosene lamp.
Two sets of bowls and chopsticks are neatly set on the dining table, a special keepsake for their children far away.
Upon seeing Tang Muyang returning through the door, the old man froze on the spot.
The father and son looked at each other in silence for a long time, without scolding or questioning.
Tang Zhiye slowly stood up, his rough, warm hand gently stroking his son's head: "It's good that you're back."
Tang Muyang ate that New Year's Eve dinner with exceptional peace and contentment.
After the meal, he gently placed 2000 yuan on the table.
"Father, my brother asked me to bring this back."
Tang Zhiye stared at the money his two sons had on the table, his cloudy eyes instantly reddening, and tears streamed down his face.
Tang Muyang looked at his father's increasingly aged face and his hands, calloused from years of hard work.
The ambition buried deep in my heart did not cool down, but instead became even more fervent and firm.
That fire took root in his heart from that moment on and never went out.
He secretly made a vow in his heart that after the New Year, when he left the mountains, it would no longer be a naive truancy, but the beginning of a major plan to make a living.
He wants to establish himself through his knowledge and build a career through his skills, build roads and factories, take root in his hometown, and benefit his neighbors.
So that people living deep in the mountains don't have to leave their homes and suffer injustice.
There's no need to sacrifice dignity for basic necessities, nor to wander year-round separated from loved ones.
To live a stable and secure life, to live with dignity and integrity, to live with confidence and self-respect.
At that time, they didn't know about their first love, Xiao Xiaoyan.
This brief separation turned out to be the starting point for different lives...!